By Debbie Olujobi
Faith in anything takes a tremendous amount of willpower. Faith is the soil on which hope is cultivated and where both forces are present they can be harnessed to do the hitherto impossible. Contrary to popular perception believing everything will fail is in itself an act of faith if we take as true that what we believe we will receive.

Both optimism and pessimism are both active acts of faith. Basically, faith in whatever position we take is a stand; an active submission and dismissal of all reservations to agree with what is at best unproven and unsure. I am not a person of the cloth and certainly have no qualifications to preach a sermon to anyone so I won’t. I will just try and put some of the thoughts riding on my roller-coaster of a mind down so I can make sense of them.

It seems to me that life is an adventure that is predicated on faith. Faith that is active and practiced is a conscious choice or the even greater faith that is sure and begins with the assumption that we are entitled to the next breathe we draw. I have spent a lot of time wondering how one can connect to the faith that is sure; the faith of a child that all will unfold as it should without fear or doubt.

Active faith is a practice that requires constant willpower to dismiss secret doubts and fears; so it can be emotionally and spiritually exhausting. The reality for most people is that failure is easier to anticipate than putting our faith on line and risk the disappointment that seems inevitable when we dare to dream big.

There is so much hate and darkness in the world now that pushing our doubts and fears aside is more difficult than ever. There are no more assumptions that we are entitled to anything and drawing the next breath is more a dividend of mercy than our right.

There is an account in the Bible where Jesus walks on water and beckons to Peter, one of his disciples to join him. Peter did get out of the boat and takes a few steps on the water before he begins to sink. In my mind, Peter initially just assumes that it was okay to walk on the water, after all Jesus bade him come but then he realises he is doing the impossible and those niggling doubts and fears we all have came out and he starts going down.

As the story goes, he cries out to Jesus and he is saved. Investing in anything and anyone is an active act of faith; we cant guarantee outcomes and returns. The older I get the more my faith in mankind gets crushed. It seems that advancement in technology is closely matched to advancement in evil. Lately it has become a staple that our eyes and eyes see and hear of greater evil day after day. The evil that was once confined to the news in far away lands is at our door step; knocking!

The problem with faith, either active or passive is the weight of expectation that comes with it. Its that weight that breeds fear and doubt. When you love someone there is an expectation that they love you back; just like when you give of yourself or your substance you rightly or wrongly expect some validation of your position. Expectation is the millstone that normally kills faith.

I personally hold the view that those who base their expectation on reciprocity of trust or love will most likely end up sorely disappointed. That may be seen as faith in negativity or pessimism but I have found that to be painfully true over and over again.

My world view has changed to considering my feelings as my own business and prerogative and that no one is obliged to reciprocate. My head has this directive but my heart is proving very difficult to convince as I am very often cut to the quick when another love bites the dust.

A couple of weeks back, I came out from under the shower, sprawled out on the bed and gave in to a bout of self pity. I just couldn’t let go of the doubt that somewhere down the line I may have taken the wrong turn. There were so many opportunities to join bigger companies and I didn’t doubt that I would have done well but I had been convinced that I was building something great by working for myself.

God has blessed me and I have grown bigger than I ever expected but I am finding that greatness comes with responsibility and so much work. Along the line I have taken some hard knocks, made bad decisions and been robbed countless times by those I trusted.

The one decision that continues to haunt me is the one to stay here when I could have relocated to join a massive conglomerate abroad. Even now, many years later, when increase is obvious, I question  that choice as I see my once beloved country degenerate into a geographical entity of people who seem to speak hate as a language of choice.

I concluded that my entire life is an active act of faith; like Peter, I am walking on water. I sink a lot but I have been rescued by my saviour severally. That the love vested in family and friends is as necessary to me as the air I so freely breathe; though I must learn caution. That I must stay on the water and keep walking, that my faith and strong belief that this is where I belong will be validated someday.